You Can't Change This (And Neither Can They): The Truth About Temperament in Relationships

What if the thing you keep trying to change about yourself… isn't actually changeable? And what if the same is true for your partner? In this powerful and perspective-shifting conversation, I sit down with Dr. Denim Slade, author of Unlock Your C.O.R.E. Potential, to talk about temperament, relationships, and the freedom that comes when we stop trying to "fix" what was never meant to be fixed. Dr. Slade brings decades of experience as a marriage and family therapist and coach, along with his CORE framework—a temperament-based system that helps people understand the parts of themselves that are innate and unchangeable. Together, we explore the tension so many of us live in: Trying to grow… while also needing to accept. Because here's the truth: Growth doesn't come from changing your core nature. It comes from understanding it—and learning how to work with it. In This Episode, We Talk About: Why temperament is not something you can change—and why that's actually good news The difference between who you are vs. what you've learned How many relationship struggles come from trying to change your partner's wiring What happens when you finally stop seeing yourself (or them) as "the problem" How to work with your temperament instead of against it The surprising freedom that comes with acceptance over self-rejection Where this intersects with Complex Shame—and how shame keeps us trying to "fix" ourselves to be loved A Shift to Consider: If you've been living with the quiet belief that: "I'm too much…" "They should be different…" "If I could just change this, everything would work…" This conversation invites you to pause. What if the work isn't changing your core… but understanding it? About Dr. Denim Slade Dr. Denim Slade is a relationship expert, coach, and author with over 25 years of experience helping individuals and couples improve their lives and relationships. He holds a Ph.D. in Human Development and Family Science and is the creator of the CORE temperament framework—a personality system designed to help people understand the innate, unchangeable aspects of who they are and how those impact their relationships. Learn more about his work: Resources & Next Steps: Connect with me on Instagram @drzoeshaw for daily encouragement.

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You Can't Change This (And Neither Can They): The Truth About Temperament in Relationships is an episode from Stronger in the Difficult Places by Dr. Zoe Shaw.

This episode is 45:24 long.

This episode was published on Mar 31, 2026.

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