Stop Restoring Your Relationship and Start Updating It

In this episode, John explores why trying to bring a relationship back to what itonce was can quietly hold it back. Instead of restoring the past, he reframes love as something that must evolve alongside the people in it, requiring honesty, effort, and a willingness to grow together. He breaks down how relationships naturally fall out of alignment over time and why that doesn’t mean they’re broken. Through communication, truth-telling, and emotional capacity, alignment becomes something you build rather than something you either “have” or don’t. John shares three grounded ways to realign when things feel off, including telling the current truth, updating the relationship instead of restoring it, and focusing on willingness over perfection. The episode also touches on the idea that some relationships need to “die” in order to be rebuilt in a way that actually fits who both people are today. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You can listen to Stop Restoring Your Relationship and Start Updating It online on Radio and Podcast. Open the player on this page to stream the available audio.

Stop Restoring Your Relationship and Start Updating It is an episode from The Angry Therapist Podcast by John Kim.

This episode is 18:57 long.

This episode was published on May 4, 2026.

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