She Lived as a Lesbian for 12 Years. Here's What Actually Changed Her. The Dr. J Show

Amanda Smith lived as a lesbian for 12 years. She dressed like a man, dated feminine women, and was convinced God had made her that way. Then, alone in a new city with nothing but a Bible her mom had given her, everything changed. Dr. Jennifer Roback Morse sits down with Amanda Smith, a staff missionary with Desert Stream Living Waters, to talk about the journey out of a lesbian identity, the real contributing factors behind same-sex attraction, and what the Church gets right — and wrong — when walking alongside people in sexual and relational brokenness. 📄 FREE: Refuting the Top 5 Gay Myths → 🌐 Desert Stream: 📧 Amanda: lwmissionary11@gmail.com ▶️ HOPE Conference: ▶️ Desert Stream Substack: ▶️ Desert Stream YouTube: ⏱️ CHAPTERS 00:00 — Cold open 00:30 — Intro 00:53 — Amanda's role at Desert Stream 01:17 — The mission: equipping the Church 01:41 — What sexual brokenness includes 02:04 — Not just an ex-gay ministry 02:43 — Not therapy — lay-driven discipleship 03:06 — vs. 12-step programs 03:50 — The group dynamic 04:11 — Amanda's story begins 04:34 — Her father, her mother, and a difficult bond 05:10 — The vow: "to be female is to be weak" 05:54 — Age 15: first same-sex experience 06:19 — "I found my true self" 06:47 — 12 years living as a man 07:13 — The breakup, the move, God's isolation 07:34 — Dreams of burning in hell 07:54 — The Bible on the shelf 08:15 — She picks it up 08:50 — Heart of flesh: no Bible verse needed 09:33 — Baptized in men's clothing 09:57 — Her upbringing — was she Christian? 11:17 — Skeptics: "you were brainwashed" 11:52 — Born this way? Then vs. now 12:39 — No gay gene: Science Magazine 2019 13:39 — Ruth Institute's free report 14:30 — The born-gay myth traps people 15:33 — "God is love and this is love" 16:52 — Was therapy involved? 17:47 — Five SSA-free years — then it came back 18:28 — Why God gave her a reprieve 19:12 — Attachment therapy: grief over her mother 19:42 — Therapy reduced SSA — unexpectedly 21:14 — "Contributing factors" explained 22:07 — Three circles of development 23:22 — Missing same-sex peer identification 24:16 — Taking responsibility for your response 25:09 — Early sexualization as a factor 25:59 — What this means for schools 27:08 — Was it conversion therapy? No. 28:20 — Wanting faithfulness — transformation followed 29:23 — Born-gay myth blocks healing 30:04 — SSA is one of many relational wounds 30:44 — "I longed for nurture from my mom" 32:29 — What helped and what hurt 33:17 — Mom's words: "You'll always be my baby girl" 33:57 — What didn't help: debate without relationship 34:32 — 10 years at Desert Stream 34:55 — 25% of participants have SSA as primary issue 35:18 — Same tools heal different wounds 35:45 — SSA is not an ethnicity 37:38 — Married June 1st, 2024 38:25 — Dr. Morse: 40 years of marriage 40:28 — The Living Waters program 40:48 — Cross Current vs. Living Waters 41:09 — Worship, teaching, testimony, prayer 41:37 — Meeting Jesus in your shame 42:09 — God's compassion toward sinners 42:57 — In-person; Cross Current online quarterly 43:17 — Catholic, Protestant, evangelical — 18+ 44:14 — Advice for parents 44:32 — Be attuned; bring corrective experiences 45:23 — Repairing 50% of the time is enough 45:46 — Don't force a child into therapy 46:31 — The truth about conversion therapy stories 47:40 — Counseling freedom 48:38 — Love your spouse — you can't go wrong 49:24 — Healthy female friendships changed everything 50:09 — Emotional dependency: signs and the dance 50:36 — Real friendships take time 51:46 — 10 years in KC — friendships and a husband 52:23 — Website and how to reach Amanda DrJShow, RuthInstitute, JenniferRobackMorse, AmandaSmith, DesertStream, LivingWaters, LeavingPrideBehind, SameSexAttraction, SexualBrokenness, ExGay, BornThatWay, GayMyth, ConversionTherapy, SexualHealing, CatholicFaith, ChristianHealing, SSA, UnwantedSameSexAttraction, SexualIdentity, ChurchAndLGBT, FaithAndSexuality, Discipleship, TrueIdentity, CivilizationOfLove

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She Lived as a Lesbian for 12 Years. Here's What Actually Changed Her. The Dr. J Show is an episode from Ruth Institute Podcast by The Ruth Institute.

This episode is 53:40 long.

This episode was published on May 27, 2026.

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