What if Asking Why Your Kids Won't Listen is the Wrong Question?

Re-evaluating how we think about "misbehavior," when kids don't do as we ask. Emily and Kathy look at the common parenting question, "Why won't my kids listen," from a whole new angle… …From inside the brain of an upset, disconnected child. It's what you could think of as an "emotional emergency," that stops kids listening and cooperating. And when you can see misbehavior from this angle, it becomes a whole different thing other than button-pushing behavior. Kathy explains how she mis-interpreted her son early on, and used everything from reasoning and explaining to yelling as she tried and tried – unsuccessfully – to get him to listen. And Emily talks about the mental pictures she uses to stay calm and anchor her children when they hit this emotional emergency state. It's this warm openness that helps move a child from feeling stuck and upset. Then they can recover their good sense of thinking and natural willingness to be involved and help. The process is insightful, trust-building and deeply supportive of the caregiver/child relationship. Which is why it cannot be compared to usual go-to methods like star charts, rewards, and timeouts. Listen in today to find out how moving from the question "Why won't my kids listen," to "Why CAN'T my kids listen," changes everything you thought you knew about kids, cooperation, and setting limits. And how it can help create deep understanding that fosters a child's sense of good judgment and cooperation. Tune In To Hear: Why explaining, reasoning, bargaining and rewards have such little effect when a child is already signaling they are off-track. Understanding the brain's different processing systems and how they relate to behavior. Getting clear on the difference between having a child listen and having them obey. Why "If they could, they would," is a helpful phrase when a child gets stuck and reactive. Why physical connection can be a crucial first step when you see your child is stuck. Overcoming the backlog of frustration and your own need to have a child do what you ask right away so you can show up authentically and reach a child on their emotional level. Combining warmth, few words, and a firm limit is the key for getting back on track. The emotional system and how it senses non-verbal communication. Why a child can't listen when their systems hit an emotional overload. Why calming a child is not the ultimate goal. How to move a child from "emotional emergency," with barely any words.

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What if Asking Why Your Kids Won't Listen is the Wrong Question? is an episode from Hand in Hand Parenting: The Podcast by Hand in Hand Parenting.

This episode is 12:50 long.

This episode was published on Aug 9, 2022.

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