Rethinking “Defiance”: When Students Are Drowning, Not Disobeying

Host Amanda Werner discusses how schools often misinterpret student “defiance” as willful disobedience when it may reflect nervous system distress, trauma responses, autism, or ADHD. She shares her experience as a former teacher and as an autistic parent of an autistic/ADHD child, describing how her child’s early “defiance” led to an autism diagnosis and how she previously blamed students and parents. Amanda reviews behaviors commonly labeled defiant (not following directions, talking back, unfinished work, leaving class, sneaking items) and explains how multi-step instructions can overwhelm working memory and sensory processing. She recounts supporting a student with severe outbursts by providing an isolated space and flexibility. She urges a mindset shift from “they won’t” to “they can’t right now,” using curiosity, questions, reduced demands, alternatives, and breaks to prevent escalation. 00:00 Welcome and Topic 01:04 Autism and Defiance 02:26 Teacher Misreads 03:38 Not Defiant Drowning 05:05 What Defiance Looks 06:10 Shoes and Support 09:08 Compliance and Meltdowns 09:52 Overload and Steps 11:38 Talking Back Reframed 14:07 Mindset Shift Cant 15:27 Curiosity Over Consequences 17:39 Wrap Up and Thanks

You can listen to Rethinking “Defiance”: When Students Are Drowning, Not Disobeying online on Radio and Podcast. Open the player on this page to stream the available audio.

Rethinking “Defiance”: When Students Are Drowning, Not Disobeying is an episode from Empower Students Now by Amanda Werner.

This episode is 18:54 long.

This episode was published on Mar 14, 2026.

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