21: Divorce

Intro Sponsor GoldMoney barbariangold Blog Shoutout Barbarianforever@barbarianforever.com @barbarianradio Instagram I have a lot of ideas on divorce. My parents both got divorced when I was 6 My dad never remarried However, my mom got married 2 more times and divorced 2 more times My wife's parents are divorced so it's safe to say, I've been surrounded by divorce my whole life. In fact, when I was in my 20s I would joke that it would be a miracle if I didn't end up divorced myself. That being said, I had a listener ask me about my thought on divorce, particularly from a heathen/pagan perspective so I decided to weigh in on the issue. There are multiple factors that are relevant when looking at divorce and marriage from the heathen perspective and they are 1. History 2. Biological/psychological 3. Practical So let's start with the history. to put it plainly, Heathens didn't have a problem with divorce. the issue I hear about most within the community is that marriage is an oath and oaths are somewhat sacred amongst the heathen community. Breaking an oath like "til death do us part" is a serious thing. If you say you're going to do something like be with a particular person forever, and you swear that to the Gods, well I can understand why some heathens would be uncomfortable with that. That being said, It's worth taking the time to unpack the tradition of marriage and understand what the deal is. I say deal because, from the heathen historical record, mainly from the saga of the people of Laxerdal. It is clear that marriage in old norse culture was far more contractual than purely sacred. Women were often married off at the will of their parents without much concern for their wishes, Which really is pretty common for that time period worldwide. What's interesting is how the contract of marriage was handled. Many may not know this but Divorce in old Norse culture was common and not as frowned upon as it is today. Women may not have had a major role in choosing their husbands but heathen culture allowed for men or women to initiate divorce if some part of the marriage agreement was broken. For example in the Laxerdal Saga a woman, Gvudrun divorces Thorvald due to a contractual breaking. It wasn't adultery which could be punishable by death, especially for women. The contract was broken when Gvudrun tricked thorvald into wearing a skimpy feminine shirt haha that was enough for her to call up a divorce and start a new life with her lover of choice. "If the woman initiated the divorce over some wrongdoing by her husband, she was entitled to significant monetary compensation from him to ensure that she had a means of providing for herself once she was single again.[3] So women who found themselves stuck in unhappy marriage arrangements at least had a way out." "Divorce during the Viking Age happened frequently and was not as frowned upon as it is today and years past. It was not unusual for a couple to live together for a few years and then separate during this period." So this begs the question, where did we get all these strict ideas on marriage from? Bible time So the key here is this, Hostorically, Norsemen didn't carry this reverence for marriage that we have clanging around in modern western culture. All of that comes from the bible, specifically the new testament. It's amazing how much a few lines on a page have affected the course of human history. That being said, just because something has a historical precedent that doesn't mean we need to always follow it. And that's why we should turn our attention to the Biological and Psychological effects of marriage. A comprehensive review of research from several disciplines regarding long-term effects of divorce on children yields a growing consensus that significant numbers of children suffer for many years from psychological and social difficulties associated with continuing and/or new stresses within the post-divorce family and experience heightened anxiety in forming enduring attachments at later developmental stages including young adulthood. 1. Physical Health 2. Premature death likely to die 5 years earlier 3. Mental Health 4. Psychopathology 7-16yr old divorce have increase So that leads me to the practical: If you don't have kids and your marriage is not working out, let it go. You dodged a bullet. If you do have kids, It is definitely worth it to put your ego to the side and try to work it out for the kids. Granted this is coming from a guy with no kids. I know it's tough being married with kids but here's some advice: Dads - work yourself to the bone. Give yourself wholly over to your work and don't stop until you can provide an incredible life for your wife and your kids. Moms - don't work. Raising your kids is the most important thing you will ever do, be there at every possible moment. This is also a historical approach, Families that follow this model are more successful than ones that don't. It just works. It's time-tested and produces good well-rounded kids. The model of both parents working and then divorcing and kids being raised by single moms is not good. So in conclusion: I'm not religiously opposed to divorce. It has it purposes and is a perfectly reasonable thing in some cases. However, if you have kids, you are going to fuck them up. Maybe it's worth it to you maybe it isn't but there is no doubt that kids pay the price for parents divorce If you do get divorced and have to remarry _ take your time and do some soul searching A friend of mine recently divorced and had a new lover within a month, That is simply not enough time to straighten yourself out. When you get divorced, I squarely put the blame at men's feet. It's men's jobs to keep the ladies happy. If she cheats on you, you probably were a wuss and not fucking her right. If she leaves you for a rich guy, you're probably pathetically unsuccessful. Take a look at my blog on how to find your passion and that should start to sort some of that out. Women do of course bear some blame in divorce, many women are fickle and bail way too easily when things get tough and they are often financially rewarded for doing so. The key is that after a serious relationship like that fails, it is imperative that you take at least a year to be single. No dating, no fuck buddy banging, and no jerking off. 1. you're not ready to date, if you date anyone in the first year after divorce, you will end up with a carbon copy of your ex. You need to shake that groove off and learn who you are by doing a lot of spiritual/physical work. Spend a year getting in peak physical shape or meditating and getting your mind right. 2. Don't have sex, sex is more than just a physical act. You are not ready. Sex binds you to another person. You will not be ready for that for a year. If you gotta get one off to help you wash the ex away, go for it. But after that nada. 3. Quit jerking off. It lowers your testosterone and your self-confidence. There's nothing more pathetic than a recently divorced guy beating his meat thinking about his ex in a one bedroom apartment. Have some dignity and don't jerk it or look at porn. The jizz will build up in you and make you a god damn Adonis and you will need to find a passion to focus on so you don't go nuts. Trust me, this one is crucial. Follow those three steps and I swear you will be a better man in a year, a new man with a new found respect for yourself. You may never want to get married again and just live like a badass. That's what my dad did.

You can listen to 21: Divorce online on Radio and Podcast. Open the player on this page to stream the available audio.

21: Divorce is an episode from Barbarian Radio by Barbarian Radio.

This episode is 47:31 long.

This episode was published on Jun 3, 2018.

Yes. Use the heart button on the episode page to add it to your favorite episodes list.

Yes. This page shows related episodes from Barbarian Radio when more episodes are available from the podcast feed.