Overwhelmed or Overfunctioning? How the Language of Overwhelm Blames Women

What if “overwhelm” isn’t actually the problem? In this episode, we take a closer look at a word many women use to describe their lives—and challenge what it might be hiding. Because when women say they’re overwhelmed, it often sounds like a capacity problem…like we simply can’t handle everything on our plates. But what if the issue isn’t capacity at all? What if what we’re really experiencing is overfunctioning, quietly carrying more responsibility, more emotional labor, and more invisible work than anyone was meant to sustain? In this episode, we do what we always do on the Advancing Women Podcast: we question the narratives, name the invisible systems, and connect personal experiences to the bigger picture. Because sometimes what feels like a personal struggle… is actually something structural. In This Episode, We Explore: Why the word “overwhelm” can unintentionally place blame on women The concept of overfunctioning and how capability becomes expectation How being responsible for everything can quietly turn into being blamed for everything The role of emotional labor and the mental load in women’s exhaustion Why a growth mindset can backfire in systems that depend on overfunctioning How “trying harder” often reinforces the very dynamics that are burning women out What it really means to reclaim boundarieswithout becoming less capable Research & Concepts Referenced This episode draws on a growing body of research around invisible labor and gendered expectations: Arlie Hochschild: Emotional labor and the management of feelings and relationships Allison Daminger: The “mental load” and the cognitive work of anticipating, planning, and coordinating Gemma Hartley: Fed Up: Emotional Labor, Women, and the Way Forward, which explores how women’s invisible labor is normalized, expected, and often undervalued Emerging conversations in psychology and coaching around overfunctioning in high-capacity women Ferrera, A. (2023). Barbie [Film]. Warner Bros. (Barbie monologue delivered by America Ferrera) If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, try shifting the question. It’s not “What do I need to do better?” But: “What have I been carrying that was never meant to be mine alone?” The exhaustion many women feel isn’t necessarily a sign of failure. Sometimes it’s a sign that you’ve been holding too much for too long. And once you can see that pattern, you have the power to interrupt it. To question the language. To challenge the narratives. To stop automatically stepping in when systems quietly assume you will. Because sometimes the most radical move a capable woman can make… is refusing to carry what was never hers alone. And as always, remember: It’s not your fault… but it is your problem. Continue the Conversation! If this episode resonated with you, share it with another woman who might need this reframe. Listen,

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Overwhelmed or Overfunctioning? How the Language of Overwhelm Blames Women is an episode from Advancing Women Podcast by Dr. Kimberly DeSimone.

This episode is 22:45 long.

This episode was published on Mar 23, 2026.

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